Then My Soul Sings
These days, most of my time is consumed with white dresses, vintage doors and lots and lots of flowers. We still have a little less than a year to go until we tie the knot, and I am already SO. STRESSED. And don't even get me started about how many fights me and Eric have gotten into since we've gotten engaged. Most of these fights normally end with someone yelling, "LET'S JUST ELOPE!" And then we agree that planning a wedding really sucks and then we go back to trying to find the perfect color for the cloth that will hang on our arbor. Raise your hands if you've gone through this whole engagement season and have wanted to cry like every day. I am WITH you, sister. But amidst this whole whirlwind of emotion, let me just tell you that God still finds ways to sit on my soul and whisper to my heart. He is right in the middle of everything and beckons me to drop the wedding planner and to do lists and sit at his feet. What's important? He asks. What is actually important about this season? And this normally leaves me weeping in my bedroom (or in my living room in the middle of writing addresses on envelopes for engagement party invitations.) It makes me want to crawl straight into God's lap and let Him wipe away my tears as I search for the answers deep in my heart.
You, God. My soul sings for You. That's what's really important. The only thing my heart cares for is that it is tended by the very hands that molded me into the Type A person that I am. My soul sings for a God who is so personal and intricate that He speaks to me in my brattiest and most selfish moments. Because those are the moments that He tenderly lifts my head up and asks me the questions that make me rethink everything. What is important?
Let's be really real for a second. Marriage is hard. I'm not even married yet, and I already know it's going to be one of the toughest things that I will ever do. Don't get me wrong, I love Eric with every single part of me, but this engagement has been so difficult. God has delivered to us so much goodness that comes from the steadfast love that we shower each other with daily, but the devil likes to get in the middle of all that, which makes it real messy. He likes to bring out insecurities and doubts that do not come from Jesus' heart, and wow those are really hard moments. Those are moments that I am honestly not even sure I want to go through with this whole marriage thing. Seriously. In about a year, I'm going to be stuck with Eric for the rest of my life. Am I ready for that?? And then comes every single doubt that the devil can conjure up in his evil little mind and then I start to believe it and then I'm in this mess of doubt and confusion and I don't even know what the heck to do. Then, boom. It's like love and grace had a baby and hatched it on my heart and all those doubts and fears and insecurities fly out the window because God asks me one very simple question. What's important?
Well You, God. Obviously. You're what's important.
Yes, I know your heart. It sings for my love, but look up. What's important?
Then, boom. I see it. The answer to the question I have been subconsciously asking ever since Eric and I have started dating. His really bad habit of biting his nails is not important. His really annoying tendency to be over protective and over bearing is not important. The fact that he asks me if I'm okay like 100,000 times a day is not important. This whole wedding isn't even important. The important thing is his love. It's the fact that at the end of the day, he's going to be with me. Through every season, through the struggles, through the fun, through the painful lies that my flesh wants to believe, and through the freeing truths my heart proclaims, he's going to be there. And that's what's important.
I have found the one my soul longs for. He sees me, like really sees me. I have found my good thing, and I am never letting go of what's important.
I'm praying for each one of you girls (and guys) out there who don't even know what to do with their relationship anymore. It's hard and it sucks and it's a whole lot of work that sometimes doesn't even seem worth it. Trust me. It is. I'm praying for a love and a grace that encompasses all pain and doubts and fear. That those lies are plucked from your heart, and in its place, you would find God's truth. He yearns for your heart. He yearns for your relationship. His covenant with us is what is carried out through marriage. What a gift! What a God! I'm praying for peace and comfort in the hard times and constant joy in the times that you want to lay in your bed and ignore everyone. Relationships are not easy and are a whole lot of work, but they are so worth it.
You are loved beyond belief by a God who cares and adores you. He sees you right now, reading these words as I am pouring them out of my heart. All he wants is for you to open up your heart and let Him in. To accept Him into your life. He wants to be your first love. He longs for your attention. Look straight into His eyes, and I promise your life will change forever.