For the longest time, I thought perfection was the key to happiness. I thought in order to be happy, I had to mask those fleshly feelings of jealousy and anger and insecurity and hurt. And in that, I hid. I hid and ran from a lonely soul that longed to be felt. A soul that longed to just break down in front of a merciful God and simply feel. Instead, I pretended to be okay. I smiled and laughed and said yes to every expectation of me because I wanted to be perfect, and I was willing to hide any sense of reality in order to reach that perfection.
It was only in those loneliest, darkest parts of my soul that God whispered, "Come to Me, my child. Rest with Me in my lap. You are enough and perfection is not your identity."
There is so much peace in knowing that God does not expect perfection. His only desire is for us to enter into His presence with full and absolute abandonment. An abandonment of fear and insecurity and doubt. He wants honesty. Absolute and brutal honesty that leads to us laying on our faces at His feet screaming out I CAN'T DO IT. Those are the moments that God reaches out, wipes our tears away and promises that we can do it through the strength He provides. That's when the healing begins. That's when God peels back the layers that we worked so hard to build up. The perfect daughter. The valedictorian. The perfect student. The perfect friend. All of that is torn off of our hearts, and in its place is a naked soul ready to be encompassed by the love that our Healer so graciously provides. This love covers all, and let me tell you, it brings so much freedom.
This idea of hiding our hearts from an all-knowing God is not a new one. Let's take it back to the beginning of mankind. After Adam and Eve ate the apple, they realized that they were naked and tried to cover themselves with fig leaves. When God called for them, they hid. Evidently, God knew where they were, but He wanted them to come and reveal themselves to Him. To come to Him without having to hide behind fig leaves. He wanted them to come in their full nakedness. How many times does God have to call for us to answer without hiding behind fig leaves? He wants a naked soul— free from perfection and insecurity. He wants us to trust in His strength and His guidance. He wants us to just come in complete and utter brokenness. A brokenness that cannot be repaired by worldly bandages. It's a brokenness that is only healed by a merciful hand that calls us to His side.
God whispers, "Come home. I'm ready for you. I've always been ready for you." Put down the fig leaves and stop hiding. Bare your souls and get ready for a love that covers all. He calls you His beloved and wants to embrace you in your brokenness. Just come.